Time

I have been thinking of time and how it is so concrete and elusive at the same time. For instance, there are 60 seconds in a minute and 60 minutes in an hour and 24 hours in a day. It is measurable by all kinds of watches and clocks. Yet 60 seconds can have a sense of going by so fast or going by so slow.

I measure what time I go to bed and what time I get up in the morning and so many things in-between!

I measure my fasting time, breakfast, lunch, supper and

my exercise times.

In the summer I measure time by the tide. Focusing on when it will be high each day so I can plan to be on the water. Also focusing on when it turns so I can be out of the water before I experience the mud! Where I live you do not want to experience walking through the mud.

Then I must consider the weather conditions. Wind is a big factor in how often I can be on the bay by myself. Safety comes first. As I write this post, I am aware of the high winds, the tide coming in and my saying no to the water and yes to staying safe. I am okay with that. I will live to see another day on the bay!

I often use my time to kayak other places where the tide is not such a huge factor. I am privileged to have access to lakes and ponds and when I travel to rivers!

I love being in nature. Enjoying the eagles and other creatures. I am curious about how time is for them. These are all gifts to me. So is kayaking with people I love. I was especially blessed this summer to not only get to go kayaking with my people I regularly go kayaking with. I got to go with people I met online through WW (Weigh Watchers). My first adventure of the summer was a group of eight. A combination of family, friends and new to me people from the WW (Weight Watchers) world.

then there was Sharon!

It was a miracle we got in a kayak between the rainstorms!

Finally, Carol fondly known as Carol~the rock in our WW (Weight Watcher's) world.

We went out on a couple of new to both of us lakes! It was a fun adventure!

I am so grateful for all the people I met and all the adventures I was on this summer. I did notice that time goes slowly when I am waiting for someone or something to happen. That is not a new thing. I remember as a youngster how long it seemed when I waited for my cousins to arrive from Ontario each summer. Also, how fast the time went in relation to them heading home once again. How fast the time went with each person I spent time with. Most importantly, I recognize such gratitude to have been gifted with connecting. What an age we live in that we can meet online, become friends, and connect in person.

This summer I was aware of how part of the season seemed to drag on. I believe it had to do with all the rain. Waiting as I watched the tide come in, grateful it did not spill over the banks before receding once again into the sea.

My mom died almost forty-four (44) years ago. It seems like yesterday and at the same time it feels like forever ago. I experience the same phenomenon in terms of my partner and my mother in-law. It will be ten (10) years since they moved from this realm to the one that may come next. Yet, it often feels like yesterday or once again forever ago. Much of my life has been measured in time in the context of loss and missing someone. Missing the part of me that got created by sharing my life with the person(s) no longer here. This is something I am recognizing about myself. Then there is the anticipatory waiting....

.... I had the experience this summer of waiting for a little one to be born and on the one hand it felt like the pregnancy, of my best friend's daughter, went very fast. Yet, the birth appeared to take a very long time. Now he seems to be growing like a weed...so very fast. My best friend is growing into her role as moma (grandmother).

As I shift from summer to autumn, I am considering how I will utilize my time in the coming months. What I will embrace with my yes and let go of with my no. I have some thoughts. I am getting ready for a 10km walk in Moncton, NB for Legs for Literacy. I have been practicing walking 10 km once a week. I have two walks left before I go for my Moncton adventure with my sister, making new memories! I will be shifting from weekly blogs to once every two weeks or once a month depending on how the rewriting of my book is going. I am committed to a rewrite of my book over the coming months, beginning with Chapter one during the month of October.

This past week I was home visiting my sister. While there, she, her husband and I drove to Fredericton, NB to attend a wedding. I was sharing with my nephew just how far I have come in four years to be able to be present in this moment. A moment I had wished I was able to share four years ago with him as he celebrated his wedding. We both felt the gratitude for each other and embraced the huge strides I have made over my lifetime. I recognize the gift of my niece including me in her celebrations and the gift of me being able to accept the invitation. I am now embracing all the memories of the day, all the fun and laughter. All the love and grace for one another.

I also had the experience with my sister of participating in providing some palliative care. Sitting with someone my sister is close to and loves with all her heart. She is a woman I knew in my early years. As I sat with this woman, I recognized how much she had to grieve in a very short time. How her time is focused on getting ready to go home to her mother and all the people she loves who have passed on before her. The sense of time in relation to loss of mobility and its impact on her life going forward is profound. I am grateful for the perspective offered in a time where I am healthy and well. My ability to be present in each moment of grief and sorrow is an offering of love. The love I witnessed between my sister and this woman and how in the end, if we are fortunate, each of us may be gifted time to walk one another home.