Grace

What is grace? One meaning I found in my search was: "do honour or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

I also found that giving yourself grace means making the choice to interact with the world and oneself with goodwill and kindness.

Grace is familiar in lots of ways and tends to be wrapped in the here and now. Allowing the there and then to exist in a way that it is being held gently and with an air of forgiveness. Held with compassion and a kind heart.

I believe this has been my journey throughout the month of October. I have both been in the presence of grace and have been the presence of grace.

If I were to trace back this journey of grace I believe it began shortly after a near drowning a couple of years ago. That experience was a turning point in my life. It was the moment I found clarity in how I wanted to move my life forward. A journey of reuniting with all my siblings in meaningful ways. This journey brought me to a place of being invited to my niece's wedding. An opportunity I was able to gracefully accept. At the end of September, I was present and honored to be at her wedding. As I witnessed her walking down the aisle beside my eldest brother it was a true blessing indeed. A beautiful moment I will forever cherish.

Fast forward one week later. I was blessed with a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my younger brother his family, my sister, and her husband at my brother's house. I sat between my brother and sister, we joined hands and shared our appreciation of being together. It was a beautiful fill your heart moment. We all held grace for one another focusing on building new memories! The last time I had Thanksgiving dinner with them was 1979. It takes grace, courage, and love to be present to one another in the way we were able to do.

On the following night I got to surprise my second oldest brother and spend time with him and all his family. I will forever feel blessed over these days of reconnecting and building of relationships.

Grace did not only come in the form of being present for my siblings but in the form of a human life and death experience.

My sister had a very important person in her life who was faced with life changes that eventually led to her death. My sister was a pillar of grace and understanding as she navigated the hospital system, family dynamics and the grief that comes from this journey. She offered her friend an end-of-life process that both honoured her and fulfilled all her wishes.

My sister's friend Shirley reflected grace as she faced what we all face.

The loss of our home, all our possessions, and all the people we love and cherish. It was a true reflection of how we enter the world with nothing, and we leave the world with nothing. I have a deeper understanding of Ecclesiastes 3:20. "All are from the dust, and to dust all return".

Unlike other deaths in my life, I was able to be present to this person. There was a clarity she brought to the table, and I understood my role. My sister also brought a clarity to the role I would play. What an honour to sit with and be present to another beautiful human being and walk her home. I will be forever grateful for this experience. It has shifted my own movement towards preparing for my own death.

I walked my mom home. However, I was so young and did not have the depth of understanding I had in this situation. Nor was I prepared to walk my life partner home. Not in the graceful way I was able to be present in my current experience. With my mother in-law, I feel I was much more present and graceful as I walked her home. However, there is still unfinished longing.

The graveside service was beautiful, and we all were graced by the presence of an eagle as my sister's friend was placed in her final physical resting place.

I am left with one final way to honour this spitfire of a woman!

Please enjoy this tribute to Shirley. Safe Home, Sweet Light by Laura Smith https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj6sHY_mfXQ