MEANING & LEGACY

One of my role models in being open with loving arms died on the 21 December 2022. My Aunt Rosie was the remaining matriarch of my biological family. I was gifted over the last five years to be in contact with her on a more regular basis. I have been visiting my sister and connecting with family which gave me this opportunity. My last visit was the 15th December 2022.

Yesterday, I was at the funeral of my dear Aunt Rosie. I was part of a ritual that has taken place over generations and will continue for generations to come. It will be a ritual for some of my siblings and their partners, cousins, and friends. A knowing of what takes place after death, shaped by being part of Church. Part of a legacy which has given meaning to many. The funeral took place at Saint Samuels Roman Catholic Church. A church built in 1900. A church which saw many of my Aunts and Uncles and my grandparents home after death.

The service which honoured my Aunt was beautiful and the words spoken by her granddaughter Kelly paid tribute to my Aunt's legacy of love, warmth and gifts of community.

As I reflect on my own death and the way it will go, I recognize I have moved away from that tradition. I have been preparing for my own death and shaping the tradition I will be leaving to those who will take care of my passing.

One evening as I was lying in bed, I decided that I would like part of my ashes to be buried in a couple of places. I got the idea that it would be great to have two small urns' where I could place a marble in each and then someone would add some of ashes to it and take care that each urn lands in the right place. The rest of my ashes are to be spread in the waters outside my home. I wish to go back to the waters I love and cherish. Free to roam the world as the tide takes me. I envision freedom after death in terms of an extension of living freely through the lens of love in life in the present moment. Bringing compassion and a generous heart to all those I meet.

I received the urns this week, and I will have to pivot. As you can see....

That is okay. I am happy that the ashes will be about marble size! I am grateful for those who will fulfill my final wishes.

As I ponder meaning and legacy, I am grateful for the role I have played in the lives of others through my work and play over the years. I have had so many experiences where I feel I have made a difference in the people around me by the way I live my life. I have been blessed with community and I am more conscious of all of this at this stage of life.

I continue to struggle with Church and its place in my life. With expressing my deep spiritual self in the world in a way that forms deep connections. I struggle to be seen, heard and like all of me matters without denying parts of my experiences and choices in life.

Different stages of life bring different challenges. Retirement saw me leaving my community of work and the meaning and legacy that comes built in. It saw me leaving the physical community of my adult life as I made my way to where I currently live. Which means I am not as connected day to day with the people who were so much part of my life.

Retirement is such a gift as I learn to be present with myself and connect to people in different ways. Who would have thought texting, zooming, and using facetime would shift how I would connect to so many people. I have been on a healing journey, and I am part of Inspired Living Medical's booster groups since 2014. I was part of the CrossFit Community here in Truro, which saw me having deep connection to others and to myself as an athlete. I am part of the WW community since 2020 and am meeting people across the country. I am both influenced by so many people and I am an influencer. I am finding meaning in the current book I am writing "I Saw Ryan Today" I am beginning my second draft and have thoughts of a second book. I Saw Ryan Today is about a journey in my life that took place between Wednesday 06 September 2017 and Wednesday 05 December 2018. A forty-eight in-session journey of deepening the learnings of I matter. My second book is in the early stages of dream making. One day I hope to publish and leave them as part of my ongoing legacy.

I am finding meaning and legacy with my family as I reconnect with my siblings, their partners, their children, and their children's children. Such a gift. As we heal together and get to know one another I am gifted with deeper and deeper meaning in my life. As part of my reconnecting, I am sharing myself and others are sharing themselves. Yesterday I was graced to be in community with many of cousins as we jointly celebrated the life and death of Aunt Rosie and am grateful for their healing presence in my life.

I am committed to doing these weekly blogs. Welcoming many into my life and sharing who I am in the world with love.