There have been many times in my life where I have felt fear and I have put one foot in front of the other and got things done. Sometimes, there were unhealthy things that I did to dissipate the fear. Unhealthy things to disconnect from myself and what was happening both in my external and internal world. Now, at least most of the time, I acknowledge my fear, pause, ask myself--where does this fear stem from? Is this fact or fiction? I use the many strategies I learned while doing my Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and others I picked up during my Acting It Out Group and in WW (Weight Watchers) experiences. I find ways to move my life forward with compassion and in line with my values. Moving my life forward in a way that I am connecting to myself which allows me to connect with others. This sets me up to live the best life I can live. It is hard work. Yet, well worth the effort because I matter.
Mindset is my greatest enemy and my hugest gift. As I navigate each day of my life, I lean on all my learning to turn my mindset from a road of self-destruction to one of both reconstruction and new construction. I remember in therapy my therapist asked me to not think of a pink elephant. He said don't think of a pink elephant in many ways. He was so annoying. I not only could not help then to but think of a pink elephant, but mine was also a dancing one that learned the steps with ease and a gentleness that can only come from thoughts in my head. So far from the reality of the room I was sitting in. Harmless. Yet, taking up valuable real estate in the cells of my brain, affecting my mindset.
Watching too much news is like inviting the pink elephant into my real estate. Inviting fear into my living room. I practice intentionally limiting my news sources and how often I check the news. Once I am overloaded with news and all the happenings, I have a hard time not playing them out over and over. Then going to places that challenge my sense of safety. Telling myself things that are simply not true.
Trying to stop my thoughts invites them to become louder. Pushing them away summons them to become larger. Embracing them, owing them, checking them out and being kind to myself allows a proper place in the fabric of my life.
My fear response is information for me to consider. As a young person I responded to fear in the best way I knew how. In terms of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flood and flop (see The 6F's of Trauma response in resources). I was mostly in the freeze, fawn, and flop categories of things. I am learning to appreciate that my response to that fear was as it needed to be in those moments. That it fit the then and there. That those responses are not in line with the life I live in the here and now.
I am on a journey of shifting my responses to my emotions by being aware of how I am engaging with or disengaging from them. I am noticing when fear comes up. Noticing how I want to avoid fear by detaching or numbing things out. Yet, making a deliberate choice to stand tall (as tall as I can at 4 feet 10 inches), face the fear and not let it run my life.
As I face my fears, I look at what is in my control and how I can shift things to build myself up knowing I've got my own back. Some of the ways I do this is by sticking to my routines. My day is filled with opportunities to follow my plan. I have worked so hard to develop a routine that works for me. Some of my habits are power antidotes to fears that might arise in my day, including enjoying my three meals a day and my exercise. Rest as necessary. Practicing gratitude. I notice when things are out of line with my daily living habits. One sign is if I am not getting dressed for the day, I am curious what that is about. I make efforts to connect with my tribe each morning through my texting and having a FaceTime conversation with my sister. I also connect to my WW (Weight Watcher) peeps on zoom daily. I make it a habit to connect with myself. My mirror work has been a great addition to my daily habits. I end my day with a spreadsheet documenting my successes and challenges.
As I face my fears, I look to what is compromised in terms of my safety. I do a check....am I physically safe? ✅ Am I financially safe? ✅ Am I emotionally safe? ✅ The reality is that I am free from from intimidation and violence in my life. My life is shaped by beauty, love, grace, and compromise. I am financially secure. I have a home, can feed myself and for the most part maintain the kind of life that I have been living over the past several years. I am emotionally safe as I am in relationships where I can ask to get my needs met. I have been taught to set great boundaries and I keep practicing that skill. I feel confident in my abilities to set the kinds of boundaries I need to live my best life. I can maintain them and adjust when needed.
I am blessed at this time in my life with a healthy tribe of people who support my life as well as a healthy team of professionals who enhance it. I am in the process of meeting people from my WW (Weight Watchers) world in person, which is amazing and an opportunity to engage with people who are on a journey that is so important in my life at this current moment. It is so exciting!
Fear is part of the fabric of my life that comes my way. It is how I respond to that fear that is important. I am no longer disconnecting or avoiding my emotions for long periods of time. I notice much quicker when that is happening. I am taking the stance of being curious noticing what I need to do that is in line with my values. I am feeling the fear and doing things anyway. The difference from then and there to now and then is a shift in my mindset. I am aware and deliberately bring myself to safety. I ground myself through breathing and noticing things in my environment. I move my body in ways that feel empowering and soothe myself to feel calm and connected. I connect with people who have my back. In my new brain state or cold state as WW (Weight Watchers) calls it, I move forward and live my values!
How does fear play out in your life?
Resources:
Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgx2koVkpm8
Feel The Fear And DO IT ANYWAY! Project Life Mastery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKhyQMHlxwg
Fear is your best friend | John Cantor | TEDxNoosa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLqMdxdNyB4
The Secret to Stopping Fear and Anxiety (That Actually Works) | Mel Robbins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n8i7ua0mSw
The 6F's of Trauma response, article: https://neuroclastic.com/the-6fs-of-trauma-responses/
You have such a full day Noreen!
Not sure how you do it all 😊
Building your own life surrounded with love and positivity
I love reading your blogs! Very insightful!❤️
I have enjoyed participating as a reader in this far-reaching exploration of how your mindset affects your fear response. How you have so throughly engaged with the many resources you have found in your life to shift your mindset. That when you feel fear you still get things done by putting one foot in front of the other. This deepens my commitment to broadening my responses when I am afraid. It is powerful to hear about your journey with feeling the fear and doing things anyway. Thanks, Noreen!