Psychological Flexibility (part 4)
Acceptance vs. Experiential Avoidance
I wonder if this is what acceptance vs. experiential avoidance is all about. I wonder if it is about being willing to be present to all that is in the spider web of our lives yet unlike the fly not caught in the web and eaten. Rather be the observer of the web. Lean into the sensations. Be disconnected from the drama yet connect to the essence of the whole. Be present to the web, allowing ourselves to blow in the wind much as the web does. Be the mirror of our life yet not that which enters the mirror's glass.
Acceptance tied into the concept of willingness to embrace what is before us, be it pleasant or unpleasant. All in the service of our values. I shape my life through the lens of love and the lens of freedom. It is not always easy. My lens of freedom requires me to be braver and braver as I embrace the uncertainties of life and live a valued life. Requires me to be willing to be present with that which is not pleasant. Allows me to broaden and deepen love.
I believe acceptance has to do with being willing to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. In the early days of my Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) I was exposed to a video "What We Can Learn From Lobster About Stress" ~Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski. It speaks to this concept of lobsters being uncomfortable in their shells and needing that un-comfortability to grow. How stress and adversity is a trigger to their growth. (link included in resources). I believe I have grown from the stress and adversity of my life.
When I look at my own journey in life, I was not always so willing to embrace being uncomfortable. I was so unwilling that I created an alternate universe (my marble world) in which to hold all that was uncomfortable. Building a wall between my day-to-day existence and to that which was kept in the alternate universe. I would learn a valuable lesson of how my alternate universe served me in the short term of the "there and then". However, it sold me out in the long term of the "here and now." It sold me out in terms of living the best life I can live.
Through my healing process I was given the gift of being challenged in a way I could tolerate looking at what my marble world gave me. Look at what it took away from me as well. I was willing to accept the gifts of my marble world and look at the gifts of leaving that world behind to live freely through the lens of love in the real world of "here and now".
One of my greatest stresses and greatest gifts was being comfortable enough to be present to the pain of my past. The pain which was so all encompassing that I needed to check out. I learned a new world order where I had new choices. I became willing to be with the pain, to integrate it into my world view and to choose a new path.
This week at WW (weight watchers) I am being challenged to enter a new world order of WW as it changes in ways I am not able to fathom yet. I am willing to meet my world and WW in this present moment. Holding space for those caught in the web of change--those who are losing their employment and those who are continuing without their colleagues. I will grieve those who are no longer with us. Support those who continue to provide service and I will keep in my lane. Keep living my values of living a healthy, mobile life with the support of my WW peeps.
This week I have met with the death of my dear Aunt Phyl. A wonderful woman who adopted me under her wings many moons ago. I am present to the loss and the sadness and all the gifts she has brought into my life. I am alive, feeling, grieving, celebrating, and honouring a woman who lived a remarkable life.
Acceptance and Experiential avoidance--I have live both sides of this coin. I flip from one to the other. Yet, in this present moment I am celebrating my willingness to let go of working so hard to control my internal world and meet it with grace. Be present with what is and love through the pain and beauty of what life offers.
As I head home to the place of my birth tomorrow, I am aware that I am going to be present to my sister as we process a friends death. I am aware that the gift is holding not only our friend's death, it is holding the family left behind. I will also be holding the deaths I still have not processed fully yet. Like the death of my mom. I am willing to be present with all of this. To accept what will rise and fall and to do so with grace and love, tears, and laughter. To move my life forward living freely through the lens of love.
Resources:
What We Can Learn From Lobster About Stress ~Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Willingness: The Struggle Switch
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Acceptance
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Willingness and Acceptance
Waiting for the Wrong Train
My Marble world poem posted 24 November 2022 blog
Aunt Phyl: Phyllis Jean Clarke November 16, 1928 - March 4, 2023
I am just trying to digest everything I just read , sometimes understand exactly how you feel, while other times you write something so profound , something I think I needed years ago when losing a friend, birth life death, we all follow that line. I look at how my sisters and I had such a wonderful Easter weekend together laughing and reminding ourselves of what life was like when we were young and silly, and being youthful and silly in this moment. We share stories involving our parents who are gone, there were so many years of sadness after they passed, looking back I feel it was so wasteful for life, but reading your posts on grief I reali…
Shows how our thoughts, beliefs and experiences have such power in our decision making. The videos are so clear in supporting your message. Avoidance can keep us stuck for so long. Seeing the graphs helps to understand how exposure and staying with the fear helps lesson the high levels.
Acceptance and commitment take time, practice and self-love. The key to achieving success is to hold space for the teachings, the practicing and the awareness of change.
This is an excellent blog Noreen. I am enjoying the video clips you add so much. Congratulations on another awesome post!
I love listening to you share pieces around your marble world as it is profoundly creative in survival. 💕💕💕
Such a powerful post Noreen. Your imagery, experiences, and insight shared are a true gift. Thank you.