Radical Acceptance

Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and

cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is

rigid and hard.

~Lao-tzu (600 BC)

I live in Little Dyke, Nova Scotia. A small community on the shores of the Cobequid Bay. I witness the power of the fluid, soft and yielding water each day as the tides rise and fall. As the water comes in and licks the rocks outlining the line between my property and the beach.

Each year, I witness the wearing of the rocks by the powerful water and have great respect for the strength of this soft element to embrace the harder elements in their environment.

"Whatever is soft is strong"

So powerful especially when I take this and relate it to my journey towards radical self-acceptance. My journey towards accepting difficult situations. Taking time to pause and notice when I am fighting against reality. Notice when I am the rock.

I grew up in an environment which was challenging and left me struggling for self-acceptance of any sort. I created an alternate world as a survival strategy. It kept me disconnected from myself and others. On the inside I was isolated, lonely, crippled with shame. I self-harmed to contain all the ugliness on the inside. Between the outside and inside there was a wall surrounding me and a hardening of my heart to receive love. On the outside I was excessively or blindly optimistic. Some would say a dreamer. Often, I heard Pollyanna. I did dream.... However, I was not able to action my dreams.

One of the challenges I had on my healing journey was to soften my heart toward myself; go inside and embrace the me who lived with so much pain. The me who was unwilling up to that point face the life I had lived. The me who was suffering. On March 27, 2014, I began a healing journey of connecting to voided feelings. I took the first steps on the road to living freely from the inside out. It was and is a continuing process of being free from the suffering that comes because of denying reality. I learned to self soothe through skin-to-skin contact and to speak softly to myself. Being kind played a key role in opening space for the version of me who was isolated, lonely, and crippled with shame. I spent time reminding myself that I was strong, vibrant and in a safe place. A safe space within myself and stronger than I have ever been. It was a slow arduous journey. Yet, well worth all the effort I put into it.

The first step: I showed up

I was willing to sit with being uncomfortable and honour the difficult situations I avoided for many years and emotions that were attached to those situations. I experienced less suffering and what often felt like more pain. As my energy shifted from the spiral of suffering. I was able to be present with my pain and move my life towards the gifts of living out my values.

I was required to change. Change is hard and it takes work. I lived the wish I had a different kind of life for most of my life. My wish for a different kind of life was so strong that I created it in my inner world and lived 'as if'.....

Acknowledging that living 'as if' caused more suffering, I moved from the I wish to.....

I want a different life. I had separated from being present in the life I had. I did this until I was in an environment where I could see that a different kind of life was possible in terms of the pain I carried. The hard work began.....

I took my Pollyanna glasses off

and committed to the journey of living a life tied into my values! A life of softening my heart and soul to the world.

It became possible when I had the right support at the right time. Having the right support at the right time and being willing to soften my heart allowed me to be fluid, soft and yielding to the possibility of creating a vibrant life outside my imaginary world. A step towards creating my beautiful life.

Once I took the first steps towards living a life to connect to what I value I began to do the hard work required to make it my reality.

I have been on a journey of self-acceptance ever since I decided to move my life forward within the context of living life freely through the lens of love. It has not been easy. The first huge hurdle was learning and believing.....

I used several skills and strategies to get there. I will share some of those strategies in the next post!

Resources:

MARSHA LINEHAN - How She Learned Radical Acceptance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTG7YEWkJFI

The Power of Radical Acceptance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8oFemGi5EY

Radical Acceptance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAFHhO6Zsjs

Why Self Acceptance is Essential for Weight Loss (+ A Tool To Help) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41DcCxu0v4g

Self-Acceptance: The Key For Success With Weight https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_qxEqN29rg

Tedx Talks:

The Importance of Radical Acceptance | Kiyomi Johnson | TEDxEarlhamCollege https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNZGis9quag

Growing Gratitude:The Art and Practice of Radical Acceptance | Abby Horton | TEDxUniversityofAlabama https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bWsHl3FUjg

Out of the Box - A Journey to Radical Self-Acceptance https://www.ted.com/talks/kay_mount_out_of_the_box_a_journey_to_radical_self_acceptance

Susan David's full talk to get embrace your emotional agility: https://ng.linkedin.com/posts/ted-conferences_the-radical-acceptance-of-all-of-our-emotions-activity-6946202936662274048-qlTD

Mind Madness: The Power of Acceptance https://www.ted.com/talks/logan_zuck_mind_madness_the_power_of_acceptance